(Part five of a ten poem story-arc. From the "Carnal Forgeries" series.)


RAINBOW OVER SODOM

The fear of Hell is second only
To the fear of regret and debt--
To the fear of fear itself...
Love is the second death.
You, my love, my lust, my reverie
Could inflict it with a kiss...yet,
Kiss it away in beauty, stealth.
Love, the gamble; self, the gambit...
A crevice, a crescendo, and careswept cascades.
I don't want to be a friend; I want to be afraid.

Desire is much like drowning;
Your gaze, much like the stinging rain.
Your curves? The hills on the downward spiral.
I feel like falling down again.
A cry inside resounding,
That something else within me reigns...
(And if it doesn't love you, then I will.)
As the fear of consequence wanes,
Your smile waxes blissful, if not well-worn--
A rainbow over Sodom after the storm.


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(Part four of a ten poem story-arc. From the "Carnal Forgeries" series.)


UNCLEAN THINGS

(I felt it as I slept...
And soon I saw it in my dreams.
And in those dreams, I wept
When I saw that gaping cleft
Left in my soul by thee...)

Ghosts of concsience rattle the bedboards;
The others shake the windows and doors.
And just how much more can I take?
We'll call it love, but it's like rape--
Like a succubus, a disease...
Subdeity of hopes and dreams,
Or a poltergeist of passion's roar.
Love, and unclean thing inside me...
I'm possessed by that which I adore.

I feel fevered, yet I am cold...
Because she sold more than her soul.
Love can't be bought--understand--
But you rent it if you can.
It's like possession from the grave
(Slave to a burning bush God made
Hot like the angel's flaming coal).
I thought I pulled the strings some way...
Instead, a puppet you behold.

(I must stand up, reject
That influence that's crept into me...
I must step back, deflect,
The instant I detect
That my decisions don't involve me...)


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(Part three of a ten poem story-arc. From the "Carnal Forgeries" series.)


A DEEPER NEED

The fire that now consumes--
Smoke from the inferno within,
Steam from the Devil's nostrils...
To give my angst its share,
To manifest my lust's intent.
No scourge or cross I bear
Left those scratches across my skin.
You are the mark I wear,
My brand, my badge, my sigil...
The scorchmarks on my tomb.
.............(I don't need love,
.............And I don't need you.
.............I need something inside...
.............Something that you do.)

I share the air you breathe,
Kiss the ground on which you walk...
Though, those same heels bruise my back.
This is the nature of sin,
And the key that could unlock
The chains that I'll lock again.
And it comes as no great shock
That I'm back in love, but then...
It's not out of love I act,
But rather, out of need.
.............(I don't need what's in you,
.............And I don't need what's in me.
.............I never needed love...
.............I just need to fill my need.)



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(Part two of a ten poem story-arc. From the "Carnal Forgeries" series.)


CLOVEN HOOF

The sorrow that so fills me...
Embers and envy in my voice.
Longing for far more
Than alotted freedom of choice,
In what my fevered body needs...
Longing for far more
Than bureau-theocracy...
.............(And may God above forgive me,
.............As gods below stand poised...)

But all I ever wanted
Was a say in the election.
Needing for far longer
Than patience lends protection,
Than courage lends the haunted...
Needing for far longer
To ravage that which taunted.
.............(God, all I ever wanted...
.............Cancer-free confections.)

May all that I remember
Be the lessons of the hunt...
Something better...something more.
And should I find more than I want,
Then I pray return to sender.
Something better? Something more?
And may my soul be legal tender.
.............(In my soul's snowcapped December,
.............Behind me, cloven tracks run.)



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(Part one of a ten poem story-arc. From the "Carnal Forgeries" series.)


THEFT OF VIRTUE
(Mammals, pt. 1)

I'd almost saved her...
And then the addiction hit.
She'd offered me her hand;
I stared, and then I licked it.
God loves, I lusted.
In God I trusted.
He desired her soul...
But I desired her flesh.
To Hell with all the rest...
Hell has now one more--
Heaven, one less.
.............(I believe in God above, my Love.
.............It is all I have ever known.
.............I believe He made us all...
.............But we're still mammals, you know.)

With angels watching
(Taking turns retching),
The Dark Ones smirking--
Even worse lurking,
We had thrown an empire:
I was the king, and she the queen.
And after passion's fire,
Princes spilt upon the ground.
I thought, as the dust globbed and gleamed:
From dust Man came--
In the dust, he's once more found.
.............(I still believe in God, my dear;
.............And I pray His love can save.
.............I believe we shall find out...
.............We're just mammals, anyway.)



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(#10 in the "Unclean Things" series--THE GRAND FINALE!)



GNOSTIC HELL
(The Blackest Gospel, Part II)

I’m so sorry, Darling, so sad--
Truth is a weed in the Garden of Delight,
And I’m sorry I ever found my green thumb.
I wish I’d never needed to be
A pioneer of our philosophies.
I feel sickened, Honey-that bad.
Truth was the Tunnel at the end of the Light--
A gift of sight that leaves us deaf and dumb.
In the end, I wish it had left me numb.
Need to Know, the bondage of the free.

I’m so sorry, Baby, I guess…
But doesn’t sin feel better when you know?
We were so happy being ignorant.
But such is life, I fear.
Such are the living, Dear.
I feel worthless, Honey, at best--
The Word of God is still “I told you so.”
It’s the most evil thing that’s Heaven-sent:
A wealth of love (or truth) won’t pay the rent…
But sin is a career.

I’m so sorry, my love, you know:
But I just can’t believe in love anymore.
The day of salvation was really yesterday,
And I’m a day late on everything...
But I lack the faith to believe in nothing.
Sometimes, things just won’t let go.
Thus, everything I hear is an eyesore.
And if you’re looking for an answer, for a way…
All I know to tell you is all I’ve learned today:
Damnation…is knowing a damned thing.


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(#9 in the "Unclean Things" series...)



POISON ANGEL

She still, sometimes, calls my house
And begs me to cross the Styx.
Sometimes, she calls to torture me.
Sometimes, she calls for a fix.
Sometimes, she calls to be set free…
But I don’t really know how.
Once, her lips were sweet as honey…
But now her clothing smells like piss.
One day, she wanted honesty…
I wept inside, and told her this:

“You’ve harbored a visitor.
Some call him an enemy.
Some call him a friend.
Call him an inner demon
Who knows an outer truth.
He’s not visiting anymore.
Now he’s a resident.
Now he’s a part of you.

He has come to take you.
He has come to rape you.
He has come to waste your time.
He’s already wasted mine.
He’s why angels weep.
He sows what we reap.
Don’t let him employ you.
Don’t let him destroy you.
He’s far beyond what you know corrupt.
He cannot use without using up.”


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(#8 in the "Unclean Things" series...)


ADAMUS EXUL

I looked beneath the rug today,
And saw a huge dragon surrounding the world.
I just wasn’t impressed.
You see, life has no meaning anymore.
Not since that day she went away.
That meant something, I guess…
But then, I chose to walk away.
I walked away.

I looked in my closet, and swore
I saw twelve dungeons of horrible torment.
I just couldn’t care less.
There is no meaning in life, I must consent,
Since that woman walked out that door.
That meant something, I guess…
But I’ve chosen to close the door.
I closed the door.

I looked under my bed last night,
And saw the Host of Heaven mourning one third.
I need to get more rest,
Because life is meaningless-Haven’t you heard?
My heart’s delight snuffed out the light.
That meant something, I guess…
But I am turning out the light.
I snuffed the light.

I awoke today to find
A great swarming of wilted spirits…
Uninvited unburied guests.
It means nothing. I will not hear it.
Not since I was left behind.
But perhaps I should lay to rest
All the things I’ve left behind.
Oh God…What have I left behind?


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(#7 in the "Unclean Things" series...)


THE INFERNO WITHIN

(She came to me and I let It go.
She came to me and I felt It go--
All I had ever known,
All I had ever loved,
And any sense of sin…
The will to rise above,
The piercing from within,
The last pure thought…into the Inferno.)

Here comes the bite--
The world divide.
No, I have not felt
Convicted for far too long.
Oh God, please quench the Inferno Within--
We all feel the flame,
A burning shame by name.
The pain, it is the same--
The same as the fire
That I have fed in vain.

I feel the guilt…
My spirits wilt.
It’s the closest thing
To my God I’ve felt in years.
I’m enslaved to the Inferno Within--
We all feed the flame.
The shame remains the same;
Our pain becomes our name.
There are no dead in Heaven;
On Earth, there are no saints.

(It cried to me, but I wouldn’t go.
It cried to me, but I made It go.
I felt it all leave me at once:
The last fading, feeble prayer,
The final fleeting embrace
Of a God who’s everywhere
Except the mirror’s face…
The last clean heart, into the Inferno.)


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(#6 in the "Unclean Things" series)


THE FEARFUL VIEW

...What the Hell happened today?
I think I am in Hell, today…

And it has no fury like
The cruelty of life
Beneath a loving God’s design.
The veil has now been torn.
The door has now been slammed behind
A vision briskly walking away.
Bad love becomes good porn,
As it all becomes yesterday.

...This fearful view--
Oh God…the fearful view:
In my last reflection,
I see such dejection,
And an ugliness--
An ugliness that consumes,
And wretchedness--
Wretchedness I can’t undo.

...Where the Hell are you going?
Everything is going to Hell…

I’d never have sold this soul so frail,
If I’d known you were buying wholesale,
Or known mine was a sample,
Or known I was competing.
I knew love was a gamble,
But I didn’t know the race was fixed.
Your brand of trick-or-treating:
A mask of mascara scare tactics.

…This evil view--
Oh God…the evil view:
I’ve become all I hate…
Did this open the Gate?
Such fear--
Such fear as I’ve never known…
So near--
So near…Man can never know.

...Just give me one damned reason
Why your reasons leave me damned…

Maybe I had too much invested
In the pride of life that infested
The mind, the heart, and their pale, serpent god
Which has led them all along; and Lo--
Cupid and Charon give affirming nods
That they are one in holy matrimony.
Paradise is lost from my pillow,
As the Inferno opens up beneath me.

…This fearful view--
Oh God…the fearful view:
Oceans of souls screaming…
Oh God--Am I dreaming?
No…
No…this nightmare will never stop.
So…
So…One last plea…before I drop.


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(#5 in the "Unclean Things" series...)


RETROCOGNITION

And so we burned…
Endlessly turned
Into the beasts we try to hide,
Into the beasts that God denies,
Into another,
Unto another…
Unto ourselves:
A wealth of angst, a perfect crime,
Lacking in grace, lacking in time
(Or time to discern)…
A golden age not worth a dime.

Intimately cleaving…
Intricately weaving
A new design on our hearts beneath,
A new rhythm into our heartbeats.
The past is alive…
The past is our lives…
The past is ablaze-
Masquerading as the future sublime,
Making passion plays of pantomimes.
Leaving be, believing…
Nothing to fear, but fear itself and time.


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(#4 in the Unclean Things series)


KINGDOM OF BILE

In the Hour of Trial,
It’s only nine past three.
Led by base denial,
I will depart from Thee.
And when you see me waver,
I ask you to recall
Your fear of granting favors…
Or anything at all.

Wild, forbidden pleasures,
Her vain, worldly charms…
The most tempting treasures
Spread to work me harm.
Bring to your remembrance
God’s monopoly-
A chasm of circumstance
Burns eternally.

As God’s mercy sent me
Sorrow, toil, and woe,
New angels attend me-
Angels far below.
Granted, I may never
Walk among the free…
Granted, I am ever
Running from the Key.


(Note: this is partially based around an old Lutheran hymn called "In The Hour Of Trial").

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(#3 in the "Unclean Things" series...)



TERRORS OF THE BETWEEN

(It doesn’t set well,
But it set me aflame:
A little death and hell,
And still the biggest game.
And when I stop to ponder
The harsh paradox inside,
A voice expressing wonder
Shouts, “Quit that! Enjoy the ride!
Forget it…Enjoy the ride.”)

Baby, I’ve got the mind of Christ,
But I have a Satanic heart.
And I’m fearful of the end
You were fearful of from the start.
Baby, we’re working out,
Though maybe we’ve got the wrong routine.
When absolutes were dethroned,
You absolutely became the Queen.
And when you were deflowered,
You knew the terrors of the between.

Baby, this is the genesis
Of a brand new revelation.
Baby, you’ve got a brand new god,
But pray in the same position.
The difference between love and lust
Is much like that of semen and spittle.
It’s all excrement anyway,
So let’s embrace the excluded middle.
Baby, I once had all the answers…
Now I’m learning to enjoy the riddle.

(And soon it would come to pass,
I traded greater peace of heart
For a better piece of ass…
A world of romance a la carte:
But a full plate is now before me.
It’s as good as evil gets.
But when I open my eyes to see,
Something hisses, “No…not yet!
You haven’t seen anything yet.”)


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(#2 in the "Unclean Things" series...)


THE GREAT DIVORCE


I love you, Dear--
You are the light of my dark life…
But you don’t fit in my philosophies.
I will change all of that tonight.
There is a great divide
Between belief and actuality.
I need you, Dear…
But you conflict with what I write.
I will change all of that tonight--
There is a great divorce
Between Need to Know and Need to be Free.

I want you, Dear--
But the truth still remains in sight.
I can’t live with that and live with you.
I will change all of that tonight.
There is a monstrous chasm
Between what we’ll say and what we’ll do.
I need you, Dear…
But I’m molested by the Light.
I will change all of that tonight--
There is a great divorce
Between what enlightens and ensues.

Excuse me, Dear--
But faith keeps putting up a fight.
It’s post-religious congestion.
I will change all of that tonight.
There is an ominous gulf
Between comfort and concession.
Don’t leave me, Dear…
Let me convince myself I’m right
(Yes, I will change it all tonight)--
There is a great divorce
Between progress and progression.

I’ll keep you, Dear--
Because I need you in my life;
But I’m tortured by polarity.
I will change all of that tonight.
There is an invisible barrier
Between freedom and integrity.
I love you, Dear…
Though I’m bludgeoned by what’s right.
Remember what I said last night--
There is a great divorce
Between belief and actuality.

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(Taken from the "Unclean Things" series...

...Oh, and I should also probably dedicate this new "lust"-based series to my primary lust...you can catch me on her site today.)


FIRST LOVE/SECOND DEATH
(The Blackest Gospel, Part I)

I was slow to respond
To that Slough of Despond,
And now the flickering green eyes of sin
Have taken aim, taken me in
(Past the point of no return again).
Both stigma and enigma--
A warm, quivering pond,
A lake of fire deep in a valley of skin.
A wound deep as stigmata-
Natural sin…bottle blonde.

On the liege of audacity,
Moist lesions from voracity--
Venom from the fount that cleanses souls,
When the Serpent’s tongue found the aureole
(As Heaven’s legs rolled back as a scroll)…
It’s purgatory, my dear,
Baptized in the fires of ecstasy.
As God erases our names from the Roll,
Heaven never felt so near.
Love, let’s manifest destiny.

An inferno fit for Dante--
Sweet hellfire in silk panty,
Truth bitter as zinfandel
Converting this infidel…
I long for a soul to sell,
While buying back my youth.
Never so bound, never so free…
Love, you are the blackest gospel.
Beautiful, you are the ugly truth--
The downfall of humanity.

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